imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
