youre lurking in front of me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
