I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
