Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
