Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
