There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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