btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
