Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
