well you can't waste a boner
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
