Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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