You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
