Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
