if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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