i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
