Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
