There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
