i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
