is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
