I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
