I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
