so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
