Too much gin, very little bucket
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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