She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
