yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
