the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
