I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
