Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
