You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
