just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
