Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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