Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
