What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
