broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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