i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
