By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
