I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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