I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
