if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
