I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
