Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
