Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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