my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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