Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
