Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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