Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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