we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
