And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
