then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
