he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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