I bet he comes in French.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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