But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
